BOOK REVIEW- BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

I love to read. One of my favorite things to do is get lost in a book. I have been in a real reading slump recently. I didn’t read much more than blog posts and a few magazines since summer. I was going to read The Heart’s Invisible Furies by John Boyne, but it’s about 150,000,000 pages. That was a tad intimidating to me with a new job that has proven to be time consuming and leaving me no time to read for pleasure. Boyne’s book will be on my summer reading list for sure.

So when my Aunt Sharon told me she was bringing a book for me to read, I was excited but not very hopeful I’d get around to it anytime soon. I read a chapter or two during Thanksgiving break and put it aside during the next few weeks of school until Christmas break. Well, Christmas break was all I needed. Two late nights and I was finished. It was a hook, line, and sinker plot making me not want to put it down. The plot thickened so heartily that I couldn’t have stopped reading had I wanted to.

The book is called Behind Closed Doors by B.A. Paris. It is a psychological thriller and one of the best ones I’ve ever read. And believe it or not, it’s her debut novel.

I knew fairly early on that something was off with Grace and Jack, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Once the first layer was revealed (pretty early in the story), I was able to understand a bit more what was happening, but I was honestly guessing the rest all the way to the end. Paris writes with just enough mystery to keep you guessing to the very last page.

Behind Closed Doors is a story about a marriage of a seemingly perfect couple, madly in love, newlyweds, successful, living in a dream home, taking extravagant vacations. Jack and Grace truly seem perfect. When things start to take a turn, we learn how Grace can never meet her friends for coffee, even when she doesn’t have a job. Or why she never carries anything in her purse, not even a pen.

After I read this book I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was so mad at the characters for a while. I couldn’t understand why they would do the things they were doing. How could someone do that? Could this really be how some people live?

Then I started thinking about what it’s like behind our own closed doors. Sometimes we put on a front around others. We do this because we’re insecure, we’re ashamed, we’re scared, we’re too worried what other people will think of us. Sure, there are things that should be kept private, but are we really acting like completely different people in public than we are in the comfort of our own homes?

I think this bothered me so much because I’m totally guilty. We all are to a degree. Maybe we had a crappy day at work, but we have to serve in the nursery at church on Wednesday nights. We put on our big girl pants and walk into that nursery and love on those babies anyway. We show up at those birthday parties with our kiddos when we’ve got 1,000 things to do and our husband ticked us off right before we walked out the door. We go to work even though we’ve got a sick parent who needs round-the-clock care, but in order to afford that care, we have to go to work. We go to baby shower after baby shower with a precious gift even though we’re having trouble getting pregnant ourselves. We RSVP yes (minus a plus one) to yet another wedding because we’re still single. And we do it all with a smile and happy disposition because we don’t want people to see our flaws, our hurts, our disappointments, our shortcomings.

And yes, most of this stuff always stays behind closed doors. Stays in our homes, in the closet, so even if people come over they can’t see it there either. Just like Grace and Jack having dinner parties. There were lots of things going one with them, but when people came over (their friends), no one was the wiser. We do the same thing. Hopefully none of us are experiencing Jack’s and Grace’s troubles (you’ll have to read the book to find out what’s actually going on), but we hide our “crazy” and welcome in our friends to our lovely, seemingly normal homes for a fabulous dinner that nearly drove us mad to cook, in a clean house that just actually got cleaned for the first time in a month because dang it, it’s hard to keep a clean house sometimes. And everything always goes well and our friends leave thinking, how do they do it? How is their life so put together and so perfect? How did she pull off that meal with three kids and 4 dogs and a husband who travels for work? And how did she make it look so dang effortless?

I guess the point is that we all have our secrets behind closed doors. We all have things we’re ashamed to show people in our homes. (I ain’t letting you in my guest room if you come over unexpectedly. I’m going to close the door and you’ll not get permission to enter under any circumstances. Because 9 times out of 10, it’s in total disarray and I’d be mortified if you saw it.) But I’ll put a smile on my face, light my favorite candle, and invite you in like that room was spick and span and perfectly decorated even though I’m not going to open that door for you to go into that room. I’ll hide my secret.

I don’t know if it’s the hope of a new year and the fun of making resolutions, but in an effort to be more authentic, maybe we don’t have to hide our crazy. Maybe some of these flaws or shortcomings can be shared with others. Maybe we have a friend we can trust to actually open up to about the real stuff in our lives. Invite your friend over for coffee or wine and DON’T SHUT THE DOOR! (I’m speaking to myself.) Maybe we tell our friend that comes over that we almost ordered Pizza Hut because the salmon we cooked nearly sent us over the edge.

Things aren’t always what they seem, y’all. And that’s OKAY! We aren’t perfect. No one is. And that’s kind of the best thing about this whole rabbit hole my brain has gone down. When I see a “perfect couple”, eat a “perfect meal” prepared by my friend, or attend a “perfect party”, I know that it’s not actually perfect. It’s actually peppered with imperfections because that’s real life.

So here’s to being perfectly imperfect in 2018. Happily embracing those imperfections and forgiving ourselves and others for not being those perfect people. Because it ain’t ever gonna happen. Real talk, y’all.

Also, here’s to reading more books in 2018. 🙂 Especially those that make us think and reflect on our lives to help make us better people. Don’t forget to pick up Behind Closed Doors. You’ll enjoy the thrilling ride it’ll send you on.

XO,

Elizabeth